Aside from the fact that I am 8 months prego, I have yet to truly feel like I am entering motherhood. Mind you, I have been overwhelmed with all of the fears of becoming a mother, imagined how different my life is going to be, and obviously watched the changes in my body. However, I have yet to really feel like I am becoming a mother until recently. I had an ultrasound Tuesday and watched as my little girl moved around in my belly, but the thing that struck me to become emotional is how big she looked compared to the beginning of my pregnancy. I've watched her grow into such as amazing child and in such a short time she will be in my life: in my arms. I have started to imagine what life will be like and the so many decisions that I will be making to help shape her into an amazing young woman. For so long, I have felt like I am the person that still has so much growing to do and while a part of me will always feel this way, I am starting to now feel like it is my time to show someone else how to grow into the wonderful young woman that I have been imagining her to become.
Putting together her room, starting to think about what she will become, and imagining whose features she will resemble more have become things that I dream about day or night. I feel a rush of fear, excitement and even curiosity for what my life is going to become ahead of me. I can't help but anticipate what type of mother I am going to be and what my relationship with Leilani is going to be like. In my road ahead, I have found that all of the problems of my today, all the goals of what I might become are barely visible to the idea of what I can become as a mother.
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