Homecoming

Anyone who is a true military spouse can relate to the term operation homecoming. While I think all military dependents have it hard when it comes to dealing with a life of pick up and go, I think that those of us who actually say goodbye to our loved ones and send them off to war have it the hardest. As a military spouse, I can say that deployments are the hardest thing to deal with when being attached to the military. I remember the day that Bryant left I was overwhelmed with the fear of "will he come back". We say that we don't think like that as spouses, but in reality we can't help but think about exactly that and pray that it won't be our husband/wife that doesn't come home. I've found that there are stages to accepting a deployment and I didn't actually realize that I went through those stages until I read While They Are Gone. I know that when Bryant left, for the entire month before I was up and down with emotions. I was in denial by completely avoiding talking about it, fear by continuing to count how many days I had left, and anxiety when trying to figure out how I was going to deal with everything. As if this were not enough, we then found out I was pregnant the day before he left. As many of you know, my pregnancy has been difficult for me; so, dealing with it all alone made this deployment that much harder...I longer for the day that Bryant would return to me...

Then, it happened...I received the message that he would be home. Of course, like every deployment he was pushed back a day, but I cant fully put into words the many different emotions I felt with this homecoming. I was excited and nervous at the same time. Physically I have changed, and while evryone kept assuring me it was okay with my pregnancy, the possibility of being sexy to my husband felt impossible. Wednesday morning at 2:30, I waited...and waited. It felt like it wasn't coming, and when the plane finally showed up, I didnt know what to do next. When I finally saw him I fell apart. In that moment, the world was lost to me. I only remember crying and holding onto him; feeling as if everything in the world was right again. Homecoming...well, it's home all over again. It's the feeling that you are at your center again and not having to fear the world alone.