2 More days

I can't believe it's been a month since my last post...sorry Michelle;).

So....my big day is arriving. I'm in bed watching The Ugly Truth and all I can think about is that Monday is only two days away and my life is going to be turned upside down. There are so many different things that are running through my mind that I don't really know how to categorize it all.

Anticipation: what is Leilani Rose going to be like? Will she be more like me or Bryant in personality and appearance? Will she look like she came from me at all considering Bryant's traits are so dominant?

Fear: I'm terrified of whether or not I can truly fulfill this role called motherhood. Am I going to be good at it? Will I be able to handle the huge step that lies ahead of me? Will I be taking on a lot of parenthood alone or will it be equal?

Excitement: I can't help but be excited that I have been a part of a miracle. Not long ago Leilani being here didn't seem possible, but now she's two days away. Not only is she from me (and Bryant obviously), but I am going to help her become someone that is more amazing than I'll ever be.

The unknown: I know that's not really a feeling, but at the same time...it is the feeling of the unknown. What is my life going to be like now? What does it feel like to be a mom? How do you know when you're decision is the right ones for your child? I feel like parenthood is something that I will never REALLY know about because in reality every child is different and she is going to be growing for the rest of her life like I am still growing now.

Then of course my selfish feelings: I am soooooo excited to finally have my bubble back. Leilani Rose, especially lately, seems to believe that I am in her bubble. While I understand that my world will soon be her world, I do look forward to that moment that I can run without feeling like I am going to fall over, I can easily bend down to pick something up, When I can forget what being swollen feels like, when I can step on the scale and see a number that doesn't make me want to throw out every piece of food in my house....or when I can actually see ...well for lack of a better word...my crotch.


I'm looking forward to Monday...for many reasons. Yet, I'm looking forward to the first times also...seeing her for the first time, holding her, kissing her...watching Bryant become a dad and experiencing holding his baby girl for the first time. It's moments such as these that I know will make these last 39 weeks worth it all....well hopefully;)...