Shedding Another Identity

As in every individuals life there are times that they live and learn, grow through wisdom, become a better person or in simple terms... change. I have found that God guides us in life and places us in situations that he knows we will grow from in order to fulfill the purpose that he has for each of us. I also believe that as we go through our trials and tribulations we shed an old identity in order to perfectly fit into the new one. Yes, we still have many of the same traits, but through experience some of those same traits have shifted or changed in order for us to fulfill our purpose.

In my life, I have gone through many different experiences and have shed some skin that desperately needed to be left behind. I have been the passive/quiet abused girl, the cares to much girl and woman, the naïve and vulnerable one, the damaged, the high school graduate, the college graduate, the teacher, the friend, the wife .... but now, my biggest challenge of all the mom. For the last 39 weeks, I have experienced a rollercoaster of emotions, I've questioned if I made the right decision, if Bryant and I were strong enough, if I would be successful and if the life ahead of me is the one that I truly want.

Today 16 hours away from a c-section I know that my next step is the right one. I look at Bryant as he desperately tries to spoil me with cooking and cravings and feel tears come to my eyes because of how excited and blessed I am to have this experience with him. I know I may not be the perfect mother, and him not the perfect father, but together I know that our new identity as parents is going to be the right one. We are going to fulfill a purpose that God has for us. Feeling Leilani Rose now, I can't help but wonder who she will become, what she will dream for and what God's purpose is for her. Who will she look like more? Who will she act like more? All of the anticipation of who we have created helps me to identify that this is the life I have been searching for. I have an amazing husband that loves me, forgives me for my mistakes and dreams of our family together. I have a role that I am taking as a mother that will touch a life forever.

Yes, I will miss sleeping through the night, picking up and going whenever I want, not worrying about someone 24/7 and the feeling of little responsibility. Yet at the same time, I won't because I am gaining so much more. So much so, that I can't even put it into words. So here I am, the night of my last identity as simply...Nicole...letting go of a part of that person to now become Mom; someone that no one but me can be...