So, today I was talking to my mom about my high school years and what my life was like at that time. I've come to see throughout the years that so many people wish they could go back to high school; they wish they could relive it or even change things. I have found that I am actually the exact opposite. I believe that high school is what made me the strong woman I am today; the somewhat confident woman I am. For those of you who don't know much about me at that time in my life, I was a young girl that believed in the best in EVERYONE. Due to my outlook, I was also the girl who was broken-hearted and betrayed: a lot. I trusted everyone and wanted to save the world. I thrived to be the person that everyone counted on. Some of you I know are thinking that I am still that 16 year old girl. Yet, what you don't know is that I was the girl in the relationship that no one understood. I let a guy control me and reshape my individuality into a girl that forgot who she was for a very long time. My life was almost engulfed in problems because of it.
Now like everyone, I had some great memories. I had a group of friends that I dearly loved and still remain friends with today. They are few, but they were the ones that loved me in my darkest days and because of that they now love me in my brightest days. I say all of this because like my title of this blog, the memories of my past can be left in my past because I am making such an amazing life now. Now, I can look in the mirror and see a woman I am proud to be, rather than one that I am ashamed of. I still believe in the best in people, but I know that it doesn't have to be me to find that in them. I trust those that don't prove me wrong in the essence of believing they are good people, and most of all I am confident, independent and driven to be someone special.
Because of my past, I am developing so many great memories now. I have a man that loves me for who I am: good and bad. I am able to trust and love him with everything inside of me, but still be my own person. I have developed a view on life to let the little things go rather than let them hurt me, and I have become someone that I can count on, which to me is one of the most important things in my life. Now, I am surviving deployments to war, living away from everyone I love and relied on, and I am learning what it is going to take to be an amazing mom. The memories that I am making today are worth so much more than being a young, naive and lost little girl. I am grateful for the heartache I once had, but do I want to go back and change things or even live it again? No...because if I did I wouldn't have what I have today.
Love you & miss you. I can't wait to see you next week.
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